MY TESTIMONY
by Kathy Pegram

Have you ever felt you should share something and then backed out? For the past few days I have felt I should share something that I have battled with. Not for attention but because there seems to be so many people battling what I have been through, and live with, that I just feel maybe it would help someone. It has been a prayerful struggle on posting this over the past few days. I know I will be judged and found guilty on lack of faith in God in some peoples eyes. But, if I can help just one person it is worth it.

I suffer from anxiety and depression and I have for years. I now take medication for it which helps 80% of the time. Mental health issues is something people don't like to talk about, especially if they are Christians. But hopefully this shows that people can be a Christian and still deal with difficult issues in their life.

Years ago I was so depressed I actually considered suicide. We had just moved to Georgia and I had no family or friends here. We were either in church every night or traveling for revivals all over the country. Truthfully, I was both depressed and miserable. I wanted to be back in North Carolina close to my parents, not living in Georgia far away from everyone. I am an introvert and I hated going to a new church every week. I hated having to meet new people every week. I hated hotels and traveling.

I was not in a good place at all. I should have been happy. I should have been excited about this new chapter in my life, but I wasn't. I remember one Monday night telling Steve that I was staying home and not going with him that night to revival. I told him to take the boys because I just needed time to be alone. I was burnt out from going to church every night! He agreed and told the boys to get dressed. When it was time to leave, my five year old looked me in the eye and said, "I'm staying home, I know what you are going to do!" He refused to budge out of the house and Steve didn't want to deal with a crying five year old so he told him to just stay home then. That night we played games, watched TV and read books. I will always remember him snuggled next to me and looking at me with those big blue eyes telling me he loved me and never wanted me to go away. God used a five year old to stop me from making a fatal decision.

Proverbs 16:9: “We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.”

I write this tonight because no one, and I mean no one, knows what another person is going through. I just read about the former Miss USA committing suicide and I said, "She was beautiful, she had her life ahead of her. Why? Why did she do that?" Then I began to read how she was bullied online by trolls who have nothing better to do than attack people. Life can get messy. It’s not always as pretty as a social media post, or a beautiful family picture.

People don't like to admit that they don't always have it altogether. They hide their fears, hurt, depression, etc, mainly because when they do try to be honest they are told they just want attention. They are told that if they were really a Christian they wouldn't be going through depression or wouldn't need medication. To me that's like telling a diabetic they don't need insulin, or someone with high blood pressure they don't need blood pressure medication. It's a serotonin deficiency and sometimes you do need help for depression.

Satan wants us to be defeated. He wants us to be sick, depressed, down in the dumps, glum, and miserable. Jesus though wants to give us a life that is overflowing! "The thief (satan) cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly." — John 10:10

My prayer is that anyone dealing with depression, anxiety, or panic attacks would reach out for help. None of us are perfect! We all fight battles and we all need each other. If you aren't a Christian, ask Jesus into your heart. If you are a Christian, don't be ashamed to ask for help if you need help.

Life isn't always perfect. Life isn't always easy. Life doesn't always make sense..... but it's your life. It's the life God gave you, so trust God and lean on Him. And always reach out to someone when life gets too much for you.

“Asking for help is an act of brave humility, a confession that these human bodies and minds that we inhabit are frail and imperfect and broken”. ~ Anonymous

Love and Prayers,
Kathy