A WARRIOR'S BATTLEFIELD
by Steve Pegram

I have a confession to make. Although I am a Minister, and an Ordained Bishop at that, my life is very complex and very confusing at times. So confusing as a matter of fact that there are times no one can figure me out, not even myself! For although I am a man of God, and a Warrior of the Cross, I am also a Warrior of Freedom, Liberty, Democracy and the good ole' US of A.

After spending seven-years in the Army fighting for your country, you find it never leaves you. For those of you that have been there, you know what I am talking about. The Patriotism, the loyalty to the Armed Forces, the love for your Country, the love for all that she stands for! There is a dual nature that is always there. No, not sin. And not carnality and the other things that people may instantly think of if they know what the Bible says about dual natures. No, not any of that kind of thing. But rather a duality of knowing what it is to have both "peace" and "war" in you at the same time. To know what the Bible actually means when it talks of God as a God of Peace, but yet at the same time it talks of Him as the God of War also. And with that comes the understanding that sometimes in order to have peace, there must first be war, or at least wise the threat of it in order to make the enemy back down and retreat. And fighting the devil from a Christian's standpoint is an every day job that never has time outs, or half time shows where you can refresh yourself from the battle. Oh how I know about this dual nature I speak of!

Sometimes I think I was born to fight and/or defend something, anything, at all times it seems. For if I am not fighting for and defending my country in the past service I gave to the Armed Forces of America, I am now having to fight against the evil that the devil and his cohorts brings to this planet each and every day. And although there have been times, many times lately, that I have wanted to quit, to retreat, to find solace somewhere under a nice shade tree and let someone else do the fighting awhile, I always end up finding myself at great discomfort when I am at ease in Zion. I find myself being kicked back up into the battle either by God Himself, as He grows tired of my constant whining. Or, by myself at realizing my own lack of self-worth when I am not out in the battle fighting something, anything, somewhere, somehow, and some way. Or, I even find myself at times being kicked back up into the battle by others around me who know my potential and hate seeing me waste it by sitting beside the battle and not standing directly within it. Regardless of the situation, or the person doing the emphasizing, this one thing I know - I was born to fight throughout my entire life, and God is never going to let me forget that.

Believe me! I am not trying to make myself seem like some super warrior. No! If anything I am trying to make you realize just how human I really am. And, I will be honest with you about something else too! I cannot make it without God helping me, going the way before me to prepare a way before me where there is no way sometimes. I admit it! I cannot make it through the battles I fight without God's supernatural strength! There are many times I would prefer to just sit down and rest because I am so weary. And I will admit that the weariness of so many years of fighting has taken its toll on me. These past two years especially have proven that. There have been times over the past couple of years that all I have done is sit under Elijah's Juniper Tree and whined and cried and pouted and given up. I have felt like I have been in a wilderness experience that I cannot get out of! And because of those feelings of doubt about my self-worth, and feeling like I was no good to anybody ever again, all I could do some days was sit under that tree that Elijah sat under so many years ago. And truthfully, some days it is all I can do to just sit, because I would be so bad off that all I wanted to do was lay down because sitting was too painful in itself! Super Warrior? No, no, a thousand times no!!! Wounded warrior? Yes. Battle weary warrior? Yes. Disabled warrior? Oh yes, in my own strength, yes! Disabled to the point that I can no longer fight against the weakest of enemies on my own.

But this one thing I do know! And that is my God, and my family, and others of those that know me and know what I can do in the midst of battle, are never going to let me sit down for very long. And if they can believe in me, then I must believe in my own self! An example of this happened just today as a matter of fact! Kathy and I were sitting down talking today about how we had been reading a lot lately about how many Ministers today were not fighting against sin any longer in the pulpits. And Kathy, after reading another article on this, turned to me suddenly and shouted out, "That's why we need you back in the pulpit Steve! That's why you have got to get well and be healed of these diseases that have attacked you for so long now! We NEED people like you in the pulpits to fight against the wrongs! To fight against sin! And to fight for what is right!" What A Word! Not just "A" word, but rather "THE" Word!!! Those words shot through me like a fiery stream of liquid lightning! Oh, she didn't know it. Kathy just spoke as she has so many times in the past. She just spoke as the mouthpiece of God. To utter into my spirit man the Word of the Lord that I needed to arrest my spirit once again with the power of the Holy Ghost! To kick me in the behind and make me stand back up once again for my Lord! Oh, what a Word of God it was! After over two years of people praying for my healing every single day, and after over two years of people standing with us believing God for my restoration, and after over two years of word after word being spoken into my life by friends and family, on this day, yes this day, THE Word of the Lord came piercing through my being like a rocket propelled grenade (RPG) exploding within my heart and setting me on fire!!!!

So, arise I must. And shake myself I must. And back into the battle I must go. Re-armed, re-equipped, and re-fortified in the confidence that someone out there believes in me. No longer can I sit by a quitter, a whiner, a complainer, and an excuse maker! No! I must arise and go forth once again! I must arise and shake off of me the mediocrity that has so attached itself to by soul and spirit! I must once again believe, truly believe, in the healing power of a healing God and dare to believe that I can and will be healed of all these diseases that have so gripped my body for so long now! And I must believe once again, that even if I do not receive my total healing all at first, that with the strength and help of an Almighty God I CAN march back into battle again! And I CAN fight the good fight of faith, even if there is still some wounds open and bleeding on me! I can do so, and I will do so, because Greater is He that is in me, than he that is in the world!

I Am Yours In Christ,
Steve
Bishop Steve Pegram
Soldier For Christ